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Return of the Jedi - 1983 Color
Review by Shawshank Sebastian
Movie Rating: 2/5 Stars
Shaw Rating: 5/5 Scars
Sebastian Shaw's role: Darth Vader's face
The third installment in the original Star Wars trilogy was a taste of things to come with future Star Wars movies. It included unresolved plot points, weak gags, bad haircuts, and a disregard for the gritty look and feel of the first two Star Wars films. But it also rewarded us with Leia in a slave outfit, Mon Calamari pickle ships, multiple-breasted dancers, Admiral Ackbar, and some pretty terrific space battle scenes. Also, let's not forget: Return of the Jedi is the movie that introduced Sebastian Shaw to millions of admiring new fans.
As the movie begins, Han Solo is still frozen in carbonite, and has been delivered to the 'vile gangster' Jabba the Hutt. Threepio and Artoo head off to Jabba's Palace bearing a gift. Threepio notes "Lando and Chewbacca never returned from this awful place." And true, we find that Lando is working undercover for Jabba as a guard. Artoo plays a message from Luke transferring ownership of the 'droids to Jabba, much to Threepio's dismay.
Then, Leia shows up in disguise as bounty hunter, and hands Chewbacca over to Jabba. (Huh?! But Threepio just said that Chewbacca never returned from this awful place. He obviously returned long enough to make some rescue plans with Leia. Well, maybe they don't discuss all of their sneaky plans with the 'droids. We'll let that one slide. )
Anyway, Leia is able to remove Han from the carbonite, but he's temporarily blind. (He's also miraculously missing the arm cuffs he was locked with in Empire Strikes Back.) Leia's ultimate escape plan fails, and they are both imprisoned.
Then Luke shows up, and for some reason, he's really cocky. It is assumed he's completed more of his Jedi training, but this is never clarified. He's not wearing he lightsaber. Luke makes a request for Captain Solo and Chewbacca. He tries the Jedi Mind trick on Jabba, and fails. He fights a monster. He's captured. He taunts Jabba as all of our heroes are led away.
You've got to wonder at this point. Like Threepio, did Luke still think Chewbacca never returned from Jabba'a palace? Did Leia and Chewie make their own plans without Luke's knowledge? Did Luke knowingly send Leia and Chewie to try to save Han, with Luke agreeing to come in only as a backup? Would Luke knowingly jeopardize Leia, one of the galaxy's most important leaders of the Rebellion, in order to save Han? Luke seems to know, or at least assume that Chewbacca has been captured, and attempts his rescue by naptime the next day. It all seems like a real clusterbleep of a plan.
Jabba flies all of the heroes to a giant hole in the sand and tells them to jump in. But then, Luke nods to Artoo Deetoo. Artoo jettisons Luke's lightsaber into the air directly into Luke's hand, and Luke kills all of the bad monsters. So, Luke and Artoo were in cahoots from the very beginning! But Artoo chose to withhold that data from Threepio. Han shoots a monster that was trying to eat Lando, even though 1) he's blind, and 2) as far as Han knew, Lando had recently double-crossed him and was the enemy! Leia kills Jabba, and they blow up his sail barge. Our heroes race away, and the 'droids, who were hanging underneath the getaway skiff by a giant magnet, are now magically transported to the deck, and everyone is safe! Whew!
Anyway, blah, blah, blah.
Luke goes to see Yoda, and Yoda dies. Ben tries to talk his way out of previous comments about Darth Vader. What he should have said was, "Luke, although George Lucas claims otherwise, this whole 'Vader is your father' thing really didn't flesh out till they started writing the Empire Strikes Back." And then Luke would say "Oooohhh! Sorry, Ben. Now I get it. It's just one of those 'crazy Star Wars coincidences', like Leia being my sister!" And then Ben would smile, "Right! Wait till you find out who built your golden 'droid over there!"
Meanwhile, the great Admiral Ackbar calls a meeting to attack the Death Star II. They introduce General Crix Madine, who has a really fake beard that even a kid can detect (and who was also one of the dumbest Star Wars figures ever). The first time I saw ROTJ, I assumed Madine would turn out to be a spy for the Empire. During Madine's speech, Luke barges in, and apparently breaks up the meeting, since people just start walking out the door. Madine never gets to say "Now let's go get em, troops" or anything like that. There's some foreshadowing when Han tells Lando that he's afraid he'll never see the Millennium Falcon again.
The heroes jeopardize the Rebellion again by all going down to the forest planet Endor to dismantle the Death Star II shield. They bring the un-camoflaged droids with them. There's a thrilling speeder bike chase through the woods. Then they meet the cuddly, primitive Ewoks. They convince the Ewoks to help them fight the Empire, and a skirmish takes place on Endor.
Luke turns himself into the Empire to face Vader. The Emperor says "Gooooooood" at least five times. Vader and Luke fight, and Vader loses. So the Emperor tries to kick Luke's ass, but Vader throws the Emperor into one of the Death Star II's bottomless pits. Vader has redeemed himself! Luke pulls off Vader's mask, and it's (SPOILER!) Sebastian Shaw! He only speaks 21 words...
Slowly, hesitantly, Luke removes the mask from his father's face.
There beneath the scars is an elderly man. His eyes do not focus.
But the dying man smiles at the sight before him.
ANAKIN (very weak)
Now...go, my son. Leave me.
LUKE
No. You're coming with me. I can't leave you
here. I've got to save you.
ANAKIN
You already have, Luke. You were right about
me. Tell your sister...you were right.
LUKE
Father...I won't leave you.
Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker...Luke's father, dies.
Back on Endor, Chewbacca swings from a vine and does a Tarzan yell, which for me had the effect of pulling me out of the Star Wars universe as fast as the penny pulled Christopher Reeve back into the present in Somewhere in Time.
The heroes disable the shield, and the Rebels blow up the Death Star, just as Luke zooms away with Vader's body. Lando and Nein Numb laugh it up.
There's a big party on Endor. Ewoks play flutes, Han and Leia finally make out, and best of all: The ghost of Sebastian Shaw, along with Obi-Wan and Yoda, look over at Luke with glee. (At least, it used to go this way. See the DVD changes here. --Ed.)
Now there have been those that have said Vader shouldn't have been a frail old man under the helmet. But there were others that said, "I never knew Darth Vader could be so lovable." As you see the film, you come to realize that the Jedi referred to in the title Return of the Jedi wasn't Luke, but Anakin Skywalker. The Jedi Anakin Skywalker has returned! Sebastian Shaw is the Returned Jedi!
The Shaw Factor: You don't get a lot of Shaw in this movie, but you CAN'T miss Return of the Jedi. It's the film that introduced so many of us to Shaw. It's an image of him that you'll see popping up in various places, and on various merchandise, for the rest of your life.
Character Vices: Galactic domination
Character Death: Yes
Available on VHS / DVD? Yes.
Conclusion: Who didn't choke up a bit when they saw Luke waving at his old man, dressed once again in his familiar Jedi robes? As Sebastian Shaw's warm smile warmed us, it almost made us forget what a mediocre movie we just sat through.
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If you frame-by-frame in this scene, you can see Oola's green boobie pop out.
Boba Fett's scope is on the wrong side. This shot is reversed! Oops! Forgot to fix that in the Special Edition and DVD, too!
Did you hear that burp? Har Har! That's rich!
The Mon Calimari Pickle Ship is the greatest spacecraft ever conceived, IMHO.
Carrie Fisher has a nice mole on her lower back, which is even more crisp on the new DVD release. Oh MY. 
I spy, with my little eye, that your eyebrows are gone, dad.
The King is dead.